thank you for waiting for me, and for teaching me that patience is love.
honestly, you really didnt have to, and im sorry im sorry im sorry if waiting for me meant prolonging the pain (though its still fucking unfair youre so resilient, so fucking unfair i didnt realise you were in pain until it was no longer bearable), but thank you for waiting for me all throughout my prolonged trips, all throughout my hectic nights, and all throughout my busy days. thank you for perking up when i got home last night, despite your fatigue from the emergency vet, for letting me feed you, for allowing me to administer your meds, and for giving me one last chance to look over you as you napped in my bed, your laboured breathing serving as my reminder of your life.
thank you for trusting me to hold you as you breathed your last.
thank you for your sleepy meandering towards me and licking my tears every time i cry or jolt from nightmares, and for allowing me to hold your paw over sheets and under pillows whenever im cold. for all the white fur on all my clothing. for looking back every time we go on walks to ensure that yes, im here (i always will be). for making me feel less alone because someone else at home was allergic to fish. for adopting me when i adopted you.
thank you for all the secrets you kept for me in the middle of nights, for the sanity provided when uncertainty was all i knew, and for literally being a reminder that things are, and things will be, good. after all, werent you who saved me in 2020?
you were named after eleanor shellstrop, and because of you i know for sure the good place exists. i do. because where else do dogs like you — exuberant, silly, loyal, deeply beautiful – go? i know that entropy exists, that youll still be in the cool breeze, in the leaves that fall from trees, in the disoriented chaos of the world.. but i also know that youre somewhere right now, free from pain, happy finally that treats dont just come in quarter pieces. (but coco, mochi, and sam will miss you so much.)
run free, ellie. the fucking goodest of girls.
—
ellies remains will be cremated tonight, send a boop her way/wherever good souls find their home. and… hug your furry friends for me.
Of perpetual finds 